i am

a wreck.

i have this very strong urge to change. something. myself, my apartment, this city, my major, people im around, everything.

but we all know that's just an escape. it probably wouldn't work anyway.

i think a part of me is deathly afraid of commitment. to anything really. and the summer of Opt school applications is not the time to be feeling flaky. tc's about to start working. we've been talking about stuff. you know. future stuff.

i dont understand it. my life is going great right now. and i am scared shitless. i dont want to make decisions. i am losing sleep over absolutely nothing. or everything, i should say. every night i lay in bed, in that half conscious half sleep state, and my mind keeps running nightmares through my head. only these nightmares aren't monsters but reality. and it's all the GOOD things in my reality that for some reason, scare the living bejeezus out of me.

it's almost as if im LOOKING for an excuse to fuck it up.
and staying out of trouble is so hard.

Hammie is spoiled.

I got hammie a new cage last night. (:


isn't it cool? the blue bubble is his water bottle.
ok, so it's two cages. but the pink one's really just an extension. it comes with a chewable cardboard maze. but i think it just confuses hammie so i took it out.




I close off access to his old cage at night so i wont get woken up by the KAKAKAKA sound of teeth against metal every night.

the tops of each bubble also make nifty space helmets.




arn't i cruel to him? this is punishment for leaving your towels lying around. pffbt.

just for kicks:


that's my alien face.
you know you like it.

I think I might’ve inhaled you
I could feel you behind my eyes
You've gotten into my bloodstream
I could feel you floating in me

Words can relay nice
They can cut you open
And then the silence surrounds you
and haunts you

I think I might've inhaled you.

[stateless:bloodstream]

the worst part of being hung over is being stuck in the house by yourself the whole day. i am feeling more miserable from the loneliness than i am from the repercussions of last night's festivities.

sigh.

am i the only one who thinks it strange that the movie 10,000 BC is full of white people? i mean, where there even any white people back then?